By Anonymous, July, 2006 (Taken off the web by Eric Anschutz)
Evelyn gets up at 6 a.m. and fills her coffeepot with water to prepare her morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With her first swallow of water, she takes her daily medication, made safe because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of her medical prescription is paid for by her employer’s health plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance; now Evelyn gets it, too.
She prepares her morning breakfast of bacon and eggs. Evelyn’s bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat-packing industry. In her morning shower, Evelyn reaches for a shampoo bottle, which is labeled with each ingredient and its amount because some crybaby liberal fought for her right to know what she was putting on her body. Evelyn dresses, walks outside, and takes a deep breath. The air she breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industry from polluting the air. She walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for her government-subsidized ride to work. It saves her considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation.
Evelyn begins her workday. She has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays, and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these work standards. Evelyn’s employer pays wages and benefits to these high standards because he doesn’t want the company’s employees to join the union. If Evelyn is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, she’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think she should lose her home because of her temporary misfortune.
It is noontime, and Evelyn needs to make a bank deposit so she can pay some bills. Evelyn’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Evelyn’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Evelyn has to pay her Fannie-Mae-underwritten mortgage and her below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Evelyn and the government would be better off if she was educated and earned more money over her lifetime. Evelyn also forgets that, in addition to her federally subsidized student loans, she attended a state-funded university.
Evelyn is home from work. She plans to visit her farmer father that evening at his home in the country. She gets into her car for the drive. Her car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car-safety standards to go along with the taxpayer-funded roads. She arrives at her girlhood home. She was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration because bankers did not want to make rural loans. The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong, and demanded rural electrification.
She is happy to see her father, who is now retired. He lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Evelyn wouldn’t have to. Evelyn’s father has been blind for the past few years, but thanks to those do-gooder politically-correct liberals who care for the less fortunate, he’s able to surf the web on sites that are 508-compliant, and JAWS “sees†the pages for him. Evelyn gets back into her car for the ride home and turns on a talk-radio show. Rush Limbaugh keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. Evelyn agrees: “We don’t need those big-government tax and spend liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m a self-made woman who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just as I have.â€